We wore masks (even though we got crazy looks) wiped EVERYTHING down with Clorox wipes (including tables), used hand sanitizer and washed our hands until our skin cracked. Oh, and took showers as wells as changed our clothes every time we returned to our hotel room. I guess you could say we were ahead of the curb.
Anyhow, when we returned home to the craziness of the global spread my office asked me to quarantine for 2 weeks before returning back to the station. They built me a makeshift studio inside my closet at home and just as I was coming up on my 14 days the United States went into a "stay at home" order. Thank god for that home studio because I spent the next three and a half months working from there before going on maternity leave.
Then, six weeks after having baby Jax ( and 5 months of being cooped up at home) I decided to cut my maternity leave short and return to the radio show via my home studio. I guess you could say I needed more of a structured routine in quarantine. Sure, I LOVE my kids and I get so much purpose from them but after MONTHS of only seeing my family, I wanted to talk to someone else! I missed spit firing current events and pop culture, while interacting with my co-hosts and our listeners.
This past week as North Carolina moved into phase 2.5 I got in my car for the first time in 6 months and took the 20 min drive uptown to join my counterparts in person. Returning to the office physically was scary as hell for me. I always battle so much anxiety when returning from maternity.
Of course, I couldn't sleep the night before. I laid in bed for hours turning things over in my mind, until finally giving up and self medicating myself to sleep. All of those thoughts of, "Will my family be okay?" "Do they have enough breastmilk to get them through?" "What do I even need to take with me?" List: pumps, headphones, laptop, mask, hand san, lunch...
Subsequently, my mind also ate away of the fear of contracting Corona after making it out of Barcelona and being in lockdown for 6 months. "Would it all have been in vain?" I have two little ones at home and I would NEVER forgive myself if I brought it home to them. Yep, mom guilt is a REAL thing.
My first day back on the show, I kept checking the baby monitors back at home. It's not that I didn't trust my husband and aupair to keep things going, I just felt guilty leaving all of my home responsibilities on their shoulders. Thats the crazy thing about being a Mom. We give 110% to everything but because we feel pulled in so many directions, we also feel like we will never give 100% to anything ever again.
I am still trying to find the balance of giving up some of the control I let my nerves own. Being a career woman, blogger, wife and a mom to two demanding little boys is tough and some days I feel like I have it all figured out and some days I feel like I wanna cry (and sometimes I do).
Moral of the story, I'm learning to take things day by day and take the little wins. First week back: CHECK! Pop the champagne! (Don't worry, I'll pump and dump.)
You can shop my office inspired look by clicking the photos below!
